Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Scamming the scammers

So, I was smoking something officer-I-can’t-remember-purchased in Easterhouse and I came up with an idea. And it didn’t involve sneaking into a childrens’ party and switching the “Nelly the Elephant” CD for Killswitch Engage.

It can’t have escaped your notice that there isn’t anything on this Blog for a while. I’ve been busy… it’s not you… it’s me… I know I’ve neglected you, but darlin’… (I’ll stop this now, it’s starting to bug me as well).

Henceforth, I’m going to test out a wee game I like to call: “Scam the Scammer”. For a project I’m working on, I required some pictures of a girl. Not just any girl: a normal girl. Just girly wandering about. Stuff I could put on a fake Blog. Now, since I didn’t want to use any from my own archive, I thought: “Let’s use someone else’s.”

Therefore, it came to me: who’s not going mind giving me loads of pictures and not mind me using them. Russian dating scammers. They have to convince their marks there’s a real girl for them and part you from your dosh.

I was reminded of the demonically crazy Peter Dow – an Aberdeen based guy who gets his kicks from stalking university students, lecturing Republicans like me and generally spamming the planet. He put up a webpage, devoted to himself and trying to get a woman. Here: http://scot.8k.com/cgi-bin/framed/1420/lookingforawoman.htm

I took one look at the idea and decided I could use it for evil. I’d set up a fake profile, to attract some scammers and get some pictures and some kicks stringing them along a bit. Consequently, I put up a profile of www.match-seeker.com under the name Jarvis Baird, who’s a successful management consultant from Hamilton.

He has this to say about himself: “My name is Jarvis, and I'm from Hamilton in Scotland. I've become moderately successful in my career and interests, but now I've decided to take time to meet someone special, wine and dine them...”

Makes you want to boke, doesn’t it… And who does Jarvis want? “Anyone, anywhere. I want to spoil my princess and make her feel special.” Urg. I feel like I’m writing a Danielle Steele novel. Anyway, if I get any replies you’ll read them on here.

(yes I am a bad person).

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Tribal Banquet

So it was last June, and I was in the Cathouse Nightclub on a friday night. I made a stop by cos I was off to Bannockburn the next day and was about to go through a weekend of folk music, mostly which I don't like.

Bannockburn, as ever, was good. The SNP make like they can't really be bothered to be there, but realise if they don't people like me will pick up the banner (and they REALLY don't want that).

At the end, it all filters out and I get ready head down to the nearest chippy to refuel before the nights festivities. Something interrupts me though, everyone is conglomerating around the sounds of drums in the distance. It was closer, after the main rally had finished, to what I would've imagined the real bannockburn would be like. Drums and pipes shaking the landscape, and no sappy Embra Tattoo band to be soon. Just a bunch of misfits calling themselves Clann an Drumma.

For a someone who thinks all instruments should be plugged in to be real instruments, it was a revelation.

Later they played in the Tartan Arms for the "do" and it was hypnotic.

Cut to some months later and the band have split into two entities. Great, I say, cos I like them both and finally listen to something that's verging on spiritual.

The only bit about their divorce I can't pretend to like is that clearly Albannach got hold of the webmaster in the divorce. For Clann an Drumma, an entity clearly beautiful, to have such a drastically ugly website is... jeez... The ideas are there, the music patently has been for years.

Check out the car crash: http://www.clannandrumma.com and tell me you disagree. For such a great outfit to have such a shitty website is strange. The animation they use is amateurish, the events listings is incoherent and both the videos they have prove their band profiles are lacking (their own forum has it's members asking who the girl(s) are/is?)

Coming out smelling of roses was Albannach, who clearly inherited the webskills in the divorce. Check out: http://www.albannachonline.com Still, would rather have two great bands than complain about a website, but the difference is patently obvious.

Monday, April 03, 2006

The Ballad of Thomas MacFarlane

Ah ken't him weel, but ah didnae ken fae whaur,
just an auld man paralysed wi' awe in the street,
hugged by a few wha were there tae greet,
an' a few fae back then wha whaur there tae greet
when the Yeomanry hud murdered Baird and Hardie,
an' were sending a' oor finest awa in a British Fleet.

The glimmer in his lonely eyes wis fur us,
a people lang remembed, a lang regretted exile
aye, ah mind Thomas MacFarlane fae the 'twenty
even though forced separation had been a while
ah mind that irrepressible spirit fae the 'Scotsmen
when ah mind that inevitable spirit I still smile.

Everywhaur emptied and cam' oot fur an auld friend,
Condorrat, Airdrie, Stirling, worker, farmer, weaver,
we would talk aboot when the radical cam merchin' hame
whaur he telt about the English laming him fur his labour
an' bein' cramped in a stinkin' ship tae get there
But nae joy could be extinguished, and would thunder

Thomas said he would fecht like Muir till his last hour
a friend of the people, united an' proud
and wid accept nae quarter fae the rest ae us
because soon the day would come, and when
we, who survived Thomas would have to stand and
mak a' liberty minded Scots a free republic then.


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