Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Dungeons and Dragons - The Bannockburn Rant

Maybe it's just me, but the fact that I don't get to go up the rotunda on the anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn is even more soured by the fact that a group of jumped up Dungeons and Dragons fanatics get to ponce about with swords and their inept grasp of history while I'm stood outside.

Lets be brutally honest here people: Battle Re-enacting is one step up from Dungeons and Dragons and half as cool.

I want to go to Bannockburn because I know the history and know the importance of it's place in what made MY country. A group of Lord of the Rings fans get PRECEDENCE over me so that they can act all Frodo Baggins on the ground where my countrymen died... please... that's more than just an insult.

I'm sorry: do you see see HALFWIT written on my forehead? Can I not read the section about how much admission they've charged for this delicacy? It's great. I don't get to commemorate one of the most important events in my country's history AND if I want to get in I get to pay to watch something IMPORTANT being acted out by a group of self-important fuckwits who'd probably be more comfortable dressed up like Legolas and hanging out with a Lion, a Witch and a Wardrobe.

It was even better at the meeting concerning it. I couldn't say anything much at it. You've read my rant this far, you know why I remained silent. Those poor bastards at the NTS don't need me vomiting crazy all of their shit idea. Except for the miniscule detail that I'm right. That aside, I'm sure all those forty-something losers dressed up as King Hob and "I'm am completely not a whoospie" Eddie II will do a fine job. This is aside from the fact that the re-enactors, the NTS and those attending have all missed the point.

In almost every town across Scotland we have wee plaques up for our dead during World War One. I tell you what, why don't get some of our sixteen year olds. We dig a long trench, dump them in, starve them and hose the apex of the trench with machine gun fire so that they can get the full misery of World War One as well? After that we can get some terminally ill patients from hospital and show them what death is like as well? OR we could go back to Napoleonic times, pick a town and send ten thousand people picked from a phone poll to kill and rape all the citizens of a town so that they know what a Napoleonic siege is like?

You get my point? We rightly show our war dead respect. RIGHTLY. But not if it's long enough ago to make the NTS a few bucks. It's moral and social seppuku like this which is the reason I don't want to be British. It's because of the inevitability of shinto like this being done time and time and time again which pisses me off and makes me want to make a country we can actually be proud of.

My rant is almost over. But let me be clear: If you go along to this re-enactment. YOU ARE A MORON. You OFFICIALLY have lost permission to read this blog.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Countdown

Almost there... Spelling and grammer check complete (at least to the dubious standards of what I've been attempting...

----

She dampened her face down again, and turned around, hands on hips and spat at me: “I have quit.”

“Eh?”

“The T-shirt. I’m not in that game anymore.”

“I was beginning to think you’d never quit. Does that mean you’ll consider my offer?”

“What offer?”

I stood there looking as perplexed as she did. I thought for a minute and asked her, “What is your name?”

“Katherine Ireland.”

“Oh. Wow. I never expected that.” I became a bit sweaty and nervous.

“You make less sense than the Sci-fi Channel.”

“Okay, I’ll make this quick. You are not Katherine Ireland, Porn Star. You’re Kaz Hiashi, porn star.”

“How is that different? That’s my screen name.”

“Here, that’s your real name.”

“Where is here?”

Inverness.”

“So my real name is Kaz in Inverness,” she replied incredulously. “Just Inverness, what about Bellshill?”

“Okay, you don’t get it. Fine. I’ll show you. Come outside.”

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Yesterday


Yesterday, me and some fellow amigos from Siol nan Gaidheal were intent on visiting a certain Emrba Inn to bid farewell to a Canadian who had came, saw and fell in love with Scotland.

My own journey there isn't worth mentioning, but I'll do it anyway. A few weeks ago I noticed the shindig coincided with the week I got paid. As such I invited myself along...

Cut to Croy Station, around about three o'clock. I was due in Embra for four, so it was an easy journey. I nonchalantly ambled to the ticket desk where I was even first in the cue. It couldn't have gone better. When I was about to walk away the ticketmaster called me back. Dread didn't set in, because I already had my ticket and ten minutes for the train.

"There are coo's on the line in Polmont. Ye'll huv tae change there and get a bus tae Linlithgo."
"WHAT?"
"Coos."
"Coos?"
"Aye."
"How long is that gonnae take?"
"Nae idea."
"What do you mean you've nae idea?"
"Well... they're bussing you tae Linlithgow, right? Well... buses have less seats than trains do. And those trains have picked up people fae every station fae Glasgow to Polmont. There's gonnae be a queue."

I was meeting Pax, Radio Free Scotland DJ in Embra at four. And I hadn't brought his number. So, I texted someone I thought had his phone number.

Then the train came and I got on. I didn't get a reply when I got to Polmont. I didn't get a reply during the hour I was in the queue for the bus whilst listening to overpaid Scottish Parliament researchers bitching about their facile partners and how they couldn't go to some South American island this year (I shit you not...)

Anyway, on the cramped (frankly third world condition...) bus I got a text. "Pax is gonnae phone you." Three seconds later he duly did...

Me: "Aye?"
Pax: "MOOOOOO!!"

Cut to Embra and Pax's flat a good hour and a half after the telephone call. We're experimenting with some of the alcohol he's got at his flat in anticipation for the night ahead in our Embra Inn of choice.

I get confused when he starts setting up a microphone stand near to me.

"What ye doin?"
"Och, Leonna's doin the show tonight, but I'm pre-recording a segment. You're helping me."

The canadian who we were bidding goodbye apparently escaped this situation... My mumbled reply was muffled by Pax working out what song's he was using.

So, slightly the worse for wear I ended up not doing myself ANY justice whatsoever.

However, I DID discover that Leonna (DJ for the night) is a reader of this blog. Which is a bonus, because I didn't think many people did. And that's two people who's said: "Issat yours! I read that!" Maryhill Mob and Leonna... I'm almost up to ten readers!

Serendipity

The previous post has, at it's end, a stone. The photograph was by Jacobiker and Mrs Jacobiker. I put it in for the hell of it (as is my thing).

Last night, after a frenetic day, I was in the heb bar with various types (including J & Mrs J). Helen of the Maryhill mob had asked what the stone was, and I asked.

It's the stone which marks the spot where Robert the Bruce's heart is buried in Melrose Abbey.

I'd chosen it almost entirely by accident (because I went to the folder on my computer which has some of Jaco's pictures and thought it looked good...) Strange coincidence...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Bannockburn Reloaded

I've been reliably informed that the Bannockburn Rally date has changed... again.

Jesus, it's had more dates than me this year (emails to... erm... )

Anyway, to the point in question. According a "source" the date of the March and Rally is now the 16th because:

"NTS refused to allow access to the field on the 23rd, so the YSI's original choice was the 30th, however it seems that will be the official opening of the Scottish Parliament for this session and so MSP's would be unable to attend. "
Still, at least on or all of those weekends someone will be up to something on Bannockburn Field. As far as I'm aware though, the major shindig in the Tartan Arms is still ON for the 23rd, and so your humble narrator will definitely be at that one.

I've just noticed that this blog is in danger of becoming a useful source of information. Therefore, here is a random picture from Jacobiker:

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Bannockburn

Thanks to the Maryhill Mob for this wee Bannockburn Update...

Hi Kenny,

Want me to make your day!!

An English person named A Corley went into work on Monday and was confronted with a barrage of phone calls and e-mails objecting to turning a commemoration into a money making operation.

So she checked with her boss and was told to apply to the council, under the Scottish land reform act section 11, for an exclusion order.

I contacted the acces officer for stirling Alison Perry and got a reply back saying NTS had applied for an axclusion order YESTERDAY AND IT’S NO BEEN GRANTED YET!!! Daft English cow. So we’re no too late.

Please get on your blog and punt this info for all it’s worth. Get everyone to contact Alison perry and voice an objection.

Bet you’ve got a big cheesy grin on your face. Don’t you just love living in Scotland!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

It's been a few days since I posted last. What is there to say?

The SSPs showing in the recent election was shoddy. It was bad. Naturally I got my workmates ire and slagging for it. Quite rightly so... I expected more than was delivered. I don't think I expected the gubbing that was delivered.

Scottish Republican emailed this (and I got it in my email box as well) about Alan McCoombes reaction. I've got to admit that I was saddened by Carolyn Leckie greetin' about her result. When you lost because someone who is guilty is more charismatic than you it's a tragedy. And poor Alan has to mop up the tears and know that more people give a crap about the BNP (who outplayed the SSP) how the hell can you square that with the truth?

But despite this obvious defeat (and it WAS a gubbing...) I found myself going elsewhere for interests... I went to the Siol and the SRSM. A few of SRSM and Siol comrades have some good ideas to go forward.

This didn't stop me looking up some NLP and going back to some old Neurocam stuff (including their new video) I'm looking for stuff that's a bit more arty for this blog...

Anyway, am gonnae finish this wee catchup

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Saturday, May 12, 2007

American views on Independence

Figured I should, at least, pass on this slice of Americana regarding the recent Scottish Elections. I'm sure you'll probably understand that I was wanting to move back to the weird and slightly artsy shinto that floats my boat in between important Scottish political events (like elections and referendums...)

Also, can anyone tell me about the poster I placed to the left of this post? Picked it up in Glasgow and dunno what it's about?

Answers to: kenny.sheerin@gmail.com

Thanks.

Fanning the Flames of Freedom


May 12, 2007—Last weekend the Scottish people did something many said they never would do. For many years the flames of independence have spread, but Scots have been discouraged from continuing such a pursuit. They have been told that independence is impractical, ridiculous and even impossible. However, last weekend, many showed via the ballot box that they have had enough of the so-called United Kingdom.

Despite that Scots have shown they wish to be an independent nation once more, by taking a first step in that direction. The enemies of Scottish freedom are still attempting to hijack last weekend’s election. The European media outlets, political organizations and others are trying to claim that such an election was a fraud. That the Scottish people would never think about independence. Such claims are proverbial slaps in the faces of the Scottish people.

We, the members of the Jefferson Republican Party of the United States of America, congratulate the Scottish people and the Scottish Nationalist Party for their recent victory, and this important step towards independence, which they have achieved. After 300 years of London-based dominance, is very significant, and is a sign of greater things to come for the Scottish people.

Jefferson Republican Party of the United States of America
William Potter
Noah Cooke
Ray Perdue

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Blonde Joke

Two blondes living in Edinburgh were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other:

"Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says: "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Laugh-a-long-a-Tory

I HAD to blog this. I was going to avoid the politics thing, but this website is TOO funny not to share. It's like Trinny and Susanna meets Simon Cowell on a bad night out in Muirhead.

Here is what the General Public had to say about Helen Gardiner from Orkney during the recent elections:

"Her poster is adorning lamposts here in Orkney. Do they realise she looks as if she is advertising domination services"

"This Is Jimmy Krankie with a wig on, standing on a box . And wearing womeny clothes."

"Body from Baywatch. Face from Crimewatch"

"Face you could break slate with"

"she will kick your butt if you mess with her" (possibly the only one I agree with...)

Monday, May 07, 2007

Charlie the Chinchilla

Dedicated to the Liberal Democrats...

Charlie the Chinchilla was a little bit depressed. His brother, Larry the Lemming, was not his brother, but a Lemming. This can be a MAJOR disappointment when you discover the major raison-d’ĂȘtre of your average, common or garden Lemming: a consuming obsession with the bottoms of cliffs. Being the least intelligent critters of the animal world the most obvious route to said obsession was via the “jumping” method. This did not always end well.

Larry felt a bit queer. This wasn’t bad; it was a natural emotional process for a Lemming. He merely had to deal with it. Despite this, Charlie used this as the impetus for his own chosen course of action. He would FIX the situation.

And thus, Charlie the Chinchilla and Larry the Lemming would go to the Head Chinchilla (Brian the Chinchilla) to discuss the calamitous problem.

This was problematic in that Chinchilla’s weren’t known for their knowledge of astrophysics any more than Lemmings were.

“Ummm…” he ventured, “it’s difficult,” he finally sighed. Then his eyes brightened considerably. There was an idea forming as quickly as the broad grim across his Chinchilla mouth! “Simple: We go to the Rubbish dump just up the road. We get ourselves an old settee (or Chez Lounge) and rip open the furry bits and strap one of those springs to Larry’s head! Then he can jump off whatever bloody cliff he likes!”

Despite the fact that Larry the Lemming would have to wear a spring on his head for the rest of his natural life, Charlie the Chinchilla wasn’t depressed any more. And maybe… just maybe… that’s all that counts. When it took his whim, Larry could jump off whatever the hell he liked and as he plummeted over each precipice would cry out in happiness: “AARDVARK LOGIC!” This was because Larry was, in spite of his happiness, still stupid.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Sic Transit Independence


(BBC Website: Check Link) A grandfather whose decision to challenge a Holyrood result clinched election victory for the SNP has been hailed as hero by his party.

Former council official David Thompson was the last MSP to be elected, giving the SNP its one-seat lead over Labour.

But the result came after he demanded a recount of the Highlands and Islands list ballot, which had given Labour four MSPs and the SNP none.

The final result saw Labour get three, the Tories two and the SNP two.

Mr Thompson had lost out in the Ross Skye and Inverness West constituency vote earlier in the day.

With the SNP two seats ahead, the results of the Scottish Parliamentary election hung on which final seven MSPs would be elected from the Highlands and Islands.

Nationalists' hero

Amid huge tension inside the hall of the cavernous Inverness Sports Centre, returning officer Arthur McCourt was about to announce that Labour had won four list seats - which would have given them election victory.

But in dramatic scenes, Mr Thompson stepped in to challenge the figures.

Officials conducted a hasty recount and returned with a new set of results which saw the SNP become the parliament's largest party with a total of 47 seats to Labour's 46.

The last seat to be read out went to the Nationalists' hero of the hour, 57-year-old grandfather Mr Thompson, who will sit at Holyrood for the first time.


We were told that we didn't have any seats in the Highlands and Islands on the list which I knew had to be incorrect
David Thompson MSP

He told the BBC that it felt fantastic to be the 47th SNP MSP.

"It was on a bit of a knife edge for quite a while," Mr Thompson said.

"We didn't get our result until five o'clock. We were the last result in in the country and there was a bit of confusion at the count as well.

"We had to call for a recount of the figures because initially we were told that we didn't have any seats in the Highlands and Islands on the list which I knew had to be incorrect.

"When the returning officer redid the calculations we ended up with two including myself."

Mr Thompson joined the SNP at the age of 16 and said he now hoped to play his part in moving Scotland towards independence.

Peyote

Friday, May 04, 2007

The Results

Okay. So Labour got a monumental drubbing at the polls.

Lets start off with Engerland.

Thus far the English Council Elections should have been better for Engerland. All indications were that the result couldn't get any lower...

English Local Council Elections:

Councillors Councils
Party +/- Total +/- Total
After 308 of 312 councils.
CON 875 5077 38 162
LAB -485 1803 -8 34
LD -242 2113 -4 23
OTH -140 1075 0 5
NOC - - -26 84

That's an ass whipping by any stretch of the imagination!

Switch to Wales:

Welsh Assembly Results:

Party Const Regn +/- Tot
After 60 of 60 seats declared
LAB 24 2 -4 26
PC 7 8 +3 15
CON 5 7 +1 12
LD 3 3 0 6
Others 1 0 0 1

Not the best, but still a minor loss... Personally I blame Charlotte Church.

Scottish Council Elections are still to come...

And us... Yes: SCOTLAND. How did we do?

Well... I'd post the result, but I'd be crowing... We whipped their arses and made them kiss our shiny metal arses!

No amount of "weeeelll... it wasn't as good as..." will take away this day. If the Retard or the Scum says it was them wot won it they're a bunch of liars.

I asked: Vote Independence.... And you fucking did! YOU DID!

That fought and died for...

Hell yes!

And now for the referendum... ;-)

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Independence Day (Part One)


On Friday you are going to wake up and wonder what the hell just happened.

Tomorrow you are going to visit your polling station and vote three times. Always for party(s) who believe in Independence.

Tomorrow, you are spartacus!

Was that a bit melodramatic? I guess. You'll have to forgive me that one slip up. (actually you'll have to forgive me quite a lot...)

Anyway. Todays topic is: "Because it just is." When you were four, you had a friend (who was slightly older) who couldn't understand why you didn't / would do something they wanted you to do.

Let me take you through it:

"Ah want ye tae be het in tig."
"Naw."
"Aye!"
"Naw!"
"Why no?"
"Because."
"How because?"
"Just because!"

And that's my point. I've been engaging the general public in pro-independentisting this election. The most frustrating ones to talk to are those thirty-something four-year-olds who vote labour because "that's what you did". Fuxache... some days it could make me spree kill...

It's not the absense of decision making that bugs me, honestly! It's the fact that they've denied themselves a say in the vote (daddy voted labour, and so will I); it's the fact that they take the trouble to get themselves along to their polling station to DEMONSTRATE their sheepness!

And there you have it. The nation who stood against the Romans and drove them from the Antonine Wall. The nation who stood and fought while the Vikings, Angles and Saxons came. The nation who rose again and again. The nation who saw the union and rebelled (1715) and rebelled (1745) and rebelled (1797) and rebelled (1820) and rebelled (1919) and... unforgivably... somehow started saying BAAAA!

It's pathetic. But once, just once, we seem to have looked at ourselves, looked at our lot and said: "Haud oan... naw... this isnae right... This is OOR LAND. Ye cannae tax us intae poverty. Ye cannae jist abandon oor brothers an' sisters tae poverty when yer ain are livin' the high life. Wuv goat eight oot the ten maist poor areas oan this fuckin' island, and then.. THEN ye decided tae send oor kids tae kill foreigners cos ye want their oil? Naw. It's no' fuckin on."

I think... if nothing else... this election is where we stop voting for Labour because our parents did. I think that this election is where we stand up for all residents of this country because it is right to do so. We deserve something better than what we have.

Labour negativity is a joke. "Don't vote SNP... Cos... Just because... It'll be bad and everyone will be poor and die horribly... urg... no... please?"

Tomorrow: you aren't voting for yourself. You aren't voting to keep your nice house, your big screen TV, your very nice collection of clothes from Next. You are voting for your children. You are voting for your future. One path involves ID cards, CCTV, higher council taxes and war. The other involves an equitable tax system, no war, freedom, peace and prosperity.

It's not hard is it?

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Vote Independence - Quotes...

Man... I'm a Blog machine this week... Every day so far.

So... Indy quotes. I figured that since I was too busy doing stuff that I wouldn't ACTUALLY go out and seek real quotes for Independence. I'd make them up instead. If you particularly want to see one on the internet, that's what the comment function is for.

William Wallace: I can't believe you thought I looked like that fucking Australian. Shouting "You missed one at the back!" during Braveheart does NOT make you a patriot! Dear god Barbie... try and at least TALK to someone about Independence this side of the election so that deep down (deep deep down) you feel as if you took part.

Robert T Bruce: 'Tis better to win, than to take part. So... here's a tip from Scotland's best machiavellian King (on AND off the park). If your blonde co-worker is bitching about Independence and you can't persuade her: don't keep wasting your time, get your sister - cousin to use her vote. Also, instead of going postal against Labour Party politicians, why not do stuff like say you were a lifelong labour voter... but NOT NOW! Because of the War in Iraq, your local hospital being shut down or because of the Council Tax. Be subtle... make them feel bad!

Andrew De Moray: Okay, so you've graduated from being a 90 minute Freedom Fighter at Hampden to being a nine-week Nat during the election. But this is about committment to the cause. Think about Bannockburn people... (which I missed because of a slight case of death) If people had gone home after the game then we wouldn't be free. We needed the committment of 1320... And the committment to get us through the Second War of Independence.... Or the Committment to hide the REAL stone of Destiny... (on that point, me and Wallace took the black carved marble rock to an Inn and Dundee and... jeez... we got so drunk me and Wallace made "Mad Maeve fae Dumbarton" Queen of Scotland for thirteen whole minutes!

Mirren: Could someone tell Billy his tea's on the table?

Wendy Wood: Could one of you losers make sure my Lion Rampant gets back up on Stirling Castle when Independence is declared? Incidentally, sisters across Scotland fought for the right to vote, not so that you could bitch about how you had no one to vote for, but because we wanted to give you a chance to make a difference for all of us. Even spoiling your ballot paper makes a difference. Staying at home does nothing. All reasons why are merely excuses. THIS IS YOUR TIME TO BE HEARD.

Thomas Muir: There's a big world out there waiting to recognise YOU as a people in your own right. I know you're scared, I know everyone is saying that it can't work... But I'm not asking you to trust me. I'm asking you to believe in yourself for ONE ELECTION. Just one, because that's all it takes...

Okay.. me again... Right, so those people aren't speaking from the grave, and I'm using humour to make a political point. But since I get a SHITLOAD of readers and very few comments I thought you might listen to the dead more than you listen to me.

It just takes a day to make things better. Just one.


Revelations